By Toss Withybrook (@foxxybites)
It is a knowne facte that words are not always suited to affayres of the hearte. And that is when a good hobbit may turn to a properly handled potato to convey what a tongue cannot.
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Holding a potato over the right shoulder - You may speake to me
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Holding a potato up in the left hand - I should like to knowe you better
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Holding a potato up in the right hand - I would rather be left alone
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Carrying a potato before you in the left hand - I hope we meete againe
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Carrying a potato before you in both hands - Please, goe away.
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Pointing a potato at another hobbit - Introduce me to your friends
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Taking a potato from your pocket - I have been thinking of you
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Dropping a potato - I have romantick intentions
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Picking up a potato and placing it between you - Please leave me bee
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Giving someone two potatoes - My intentions are serious
Care should be taken when potatoes are encountered at supper, the markette, or the pantrie, especially when accompanied by butter or gravy. But when in doubt, a hobbit must pull up one’s suspenders and aske the other hobbit their intentions!